Not many of my followers know, but I’m a bartender and after this weekend (and for the last 5 years) I thought I’d make a quick a simple list of bar manners to mind.
If you use a lime after a shot do not stick your gross ass chewed up lime on the bar. Put it back into the shot glass, on a napkin or find a trash can for the love of god.
If you don’t want a straw in your drink, either say so when you order or put in on a napkin or throw it away. Again, do not stick it in your mouth, suck on it and leave your spit straw on the counter. Have you no manners?
Don’t yell. Use your manners.
I know it looks like I will never look into your beautiful, drink starved eyes, but I can see you even if I’m not looking at you. Trust me.
If I am not looking at you, I’m not taking your order.
If I look at your eyes, that’s a sign that I’m ready to take your order. Which I am not, so don’t wave your hand in front of my face to make me look at you. I might forget what I’m doing an take even longer. You’re only hurting yourself.
If you are ordering multiple drinks, order them all at once. Not one at a time. You get your drinks faster and everyone around you can get served faster as well. It’s a win-win.
I don’t care what you drink, honestly. Like, drink a long island. Or a lemon drop. It makes my gut hurt because sugar. But I Don’t Care. And neither should you, so don’t make shitty comments the person next to you when they order.
Unless you’re putting red bull in grey goose. Save yourself some cash and just get well vodka.
I take it back, there was one time someone ordered a pint glass of half & half and a shot of malibu rum in it and I thought i was going to die.
If I ask you if you want a back/chaser for your shot I’m not questioning your masculinity or giving you a test. I just want to know. It’s easier to do it all at once.
I don’t know that one special drink at another bar, but tell me what you like about it and I’ll try to find you an alternative.
Please. Please don’t ask me to just pour you whatever. Especially when it’s busy. I have to hold back the urge to pour you a shot of grape pucker and call it a day.
If you ask me for a “girly” or “pussy” drink I will pour you fernet branca because I am both girly, in possession of a vagina and that’s all I drink. You’ll regret it.
If you order something gay I will pour you whiskey because that’s what all my gay male friends drink. They also drink fernet as well. It’s a toss up there.
In fact. I serve women, gay men/women and straight dudes all about the same when it comes to whiskey. It’s strange how gender and sexuality have nothing to do with the types of alcohol you drink.
The correct terminology you are looking for is “fruity” or “mixed”
Anyway. Someone once asked for both. After I responded with fernet to his “pussy” shot request, he ordered a “gay” shot.
So I told him I’d make him a gay shot called a dick in his mouth.
I did.
He told me it was “a little stiff”
I told him if there’s a dick in his mouth, you better hope it’s stiff.
imagine being the first amish bitch in your village to like get your body done like ass shots titties done and like beat face contoured… and then you walked into like the saloon or whatever amish people have and everyone dropped their irish fiddles and was shookedt? like everyone churning butter was just in shock and you walked across the artisanal wood floors in your wantmylook.com thigh high lace up heeled boots like your life depended on it… yes god
my mans jedediah looks away in humility but you KNOW he’s churnin butter that night……milkin a different cow…..
Why y’all doing this when you know the Amish are not here to defend themselves.
just in case we lose this legendary post due to titty restrictions
you know. people like to talk about Taako and his Tragic Backstory, but like. can we thing about Magnus Burnsides for a moment?
Magnus was dropped in faerun at the tender age of 21 with no memories. i guess he kinda fucked around for five years. then, in the span of another six: he met julia, defeated Mad Governor Kalen, married Julia, lost the only family he’d ever known on that planet while he wasn’t even there to protect them, went back to adventuring, learned of an awful war that he’d also forgotten due to some secret society, saw his 2 biggest life regrets and turned down the opportunity to change them, lost 10 yrs of his life, lost the memory of who killed his wife, lost his fucking body(yeah i know he got it back but whatever). plus a bunch of other shit i know i’m forgetting.
what i am saying though, is magnus went through so much hell and he honestly deserved that little cabin in the astral plane with julia and he deserved the quiet happy ending he got, and i just love magnus burnsides so much.
EmotionalGay94 